"A misanthrope who teetered on the edge of buffoonery but never quite fell in, an egotist blind to his own failings, a charming drunk; and a man who hated children, dogs, and women, unless they were the wrong sort of women."

Actually, that's WC Fields, but, it's pretty close to me, though a different gender. With an incessant need for knowing more facts. Basically I am WC Fields + Johnny 5 of Short Circuit.